There could be similar ends with different people in different types of relationships. One may think that “This time will be different” but in the end could not believe it was the same and could blame him/herself because of making dysfunctional decisions. Yet the problem is not ourselves but our schemas and schema chemistry.
In basic words, schemas are structured that are developed by early life experiences and determine our way of thinking, feeling and behaving. In most cases, schemas are dysfunctional and make our lives harder in longer process yet they are soo familiar. (For more information on schemas, you may read “Reinventing Your Life”, by Jeffrey Young and Janet Klosko). Schemas are needed to be continued, thus we do unconsciously select people who would trigger our schemas that is called schema chemistry. Individuals who may trigger their schemas are attracted to each other suddenly an deven if the relationship was functional in the beginning, the sceham chemsitry would make it dysfunctional. In other words, we do trap ourselves into this cycle unconsciously.
Schemas are resistant to change since individual need to be aware of them. Most of us do soo believe that our schemas are functional and accurate and do not even see a consultant for that. Even if we are aware of the dysfunctional pattern of schemas, they do create a comfort zone for us, so we do not want to leave the zone. We do accept later pain for current and shorter relief.
In order to understand you own schema and pattern, working with a Schema Therapist would be beneficial.