The Psychology of Having an Affair

The Psychology of Having an Affair

Being cheated in a romantic relationship is a nightmare for almost all of us. It is assumed that partners who are inadequate are tended to be cheated more yet recent studies do not show that. There are several personal and/or relational reasons of having affair. 

1. Avoiding of a possible argument 

Most of the people tend to be avoid of a possible argument in close relationships. The reason could be not experiencing a nervous and uncomfortable situation. Yet, this strategy would be only adequate for the day, in longer termit would not be helpful. The same is true for romantic relationships.

Once an individual would be avoid of the argument, he/she would feel distant from his/her partner since he/she did not give a chance to the partner to fix the problem. As a result, the relationship could löse its depth and partner(s) could need to have in depth relations with others. 

2. Unsatisfied needs

There is an assumption that individuals would have an affair if their sexual needs are unsatisfied in their relationship. Yet it is not 100% true. Individuals could tend to have an affair when their emotional needs are unsatisfied as well.

The emotional needs are being approved, receiving kind attitudes from other, having space for expressing emotions and needs, having spontaneity and fun, and realistic limits. If one or more needs are not satistied in the relationship then the individual could easily search for other source(s) who could meet them. Thus the individual could have an affair.

3. Being passive aggressive and punitive

İlişkide aldatmanın yaşanmasının bir diğer sebebi de aldatan kişinin öfkesini göstermek yerine partnerine karşı pasif agresif bir tutum içerisinde olması olabilir. Örneğin partnerine çok öfkelenmiş, kendi sınır ve haklarının ihlal edildiğini düşünen ve/ya partneri tarafından oldukça örselenmiş, incinmiş bir birey bu duygularını partnerine açıkça göstermek yerine partnerini aldatarak farkında olmayarak onu cezalandırmaya ve/ya ondan intikam almaya çalışıyor olabilir. 

4. İlişkiyi bitirememe 

Most individuals have issues about break-up and perceive it as a very tough experience. Thus, those individuals would have an affair to meet their unsatisfied needs which could not be met in the official relationship but could be met via an affair. Having children, social and economic status could be the reasons to could not break up.

This phenomenon could be seemed to be beneficial yet in longer term it would damage the individual who have the affair since the individual would need to behave “normal” but having different parallel lives. This would damage the self-respect as well.

5. Personal reasons: Need of extreme attention and freedom

All of us need affection, approval and attention in romantic relationship, there is not any wrong. Yet some individual need extreme affection, approval and attention, and thus they could not be satisfied in their romantic relationships. As a result, those individuals could easily seek for other sources that would give affection, approval and attention.

In the same regard, some individuals are extremely intolerant to have some rules which are compatible with the essence of the romantic relationships. Those individuals could not have limits and feel trapped, so they could have a sexual and/or emotional affair easily. In those situations, the narcissistic features could be predominant and psychotherapy could be helpful.